What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 04:27
This is how, and why children get BPD.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She loved him until the end.
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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
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I write beautiful poetry .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is soul school!.
I have a bad reputation and need help. What should I do?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why did i forgive my father ?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Comes on , in middle age.
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We were not on the streets..
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It was going to be , some day.
I was seconnd youngest,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But, we were locked up after school.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot live in the past .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My life is so biszare .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We all went to grammer schools
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
He knew the spot.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Put me off passion for life!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So whats the point in blame.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She found it foreign!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I waited trembling.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
I was very sick at this time too.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She married twice! .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I don,t even have a pension.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
All the time i was locked up.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!